S-T-E-R-E-O Spells Divorce

I love my husband, I truly do. He's got the patience of a saint with me, puts up with all my BS, works like a maniac around the house (both DIY and your bog standard housework), and he still fancies me even though I look like one of those prehistoric fertility symbols, you know, the ones with the protruding stomachs and massive hips and thighs? And that's not all: when we babysat my 4-month-old nephew overnight while on holiday, he got up twice to mix the formula for the night feedings (2am and 5am; thanks, kid) and changed several smelly nappies. All in all, he is pert near perfect. So why am I this close to calling the lawyer? Two words: Stero Equipment.

Maybe this is true of most men -- I don't know -- but my husband has a veritable trove of eletronic do-hickies that would not look out of place at NASA. We have separate boxes for everything: DVD, CD, transformers, receivers, hard drives, a record player for God's sake. We have wires snaking out from behind the TV console that make the place look like backstage an hour before a Bon Jovi concert. And remote controls? Oh yeah, we got 'em. All shapes, all sizes, all colours. And all-flipping-over the place.

And now, my sisters...now? We have big ass ugly black speakers mounted on the walls.

In order that we may better experience the sound of car chases, explosions, space ships, lasers, and gunfire, Mr B has arranged a series of oversized eyesores speakers around the room, including the two that have been fastened to the walls at the back of the room. ("But it's surround sound! They have to be there!") And so overjoyed is he at the thought of being lifted bodily out of the sofa by the noise that the mention of imminent divorce raised nothing more than an eyebrow before he started rubbing his hands together and looking for the next surface to cover with AV equipment.

UFO and I went upstairs and watched Weeds quite happily on the 14-in Goodmans in the bedroom. I cherished every second, because it's only a matter of time before my child develops the Stereo gene (and that's the ONLY hint you're getting!).

Does anybody know whether I'd be able to get the electronics in a divorce settlement?

Comments

[Lynnette]

Yep. Got one of those myself. New basement remodel? Speakers on the walls. Can't you make him get small Bose speakers? With the whispered promise of maybe never having to do IVF again, came the idea of a 47" LCD HDTV. A whole new set of acronyms I have to learn! BTW, I think I got the hint. Most girls don't have that gene...Congrats!

[Shanna]

I think I caught that hint. ;) Congrats! As for the electronic obsession, I can't help you there. Just glad my boy, so far, doesn't have it. Maybe having been raised by a wolf(Me) for the formative years was able to break that gene out of him. ;)
You should tell him that the surround sound will wake the baby and also scare the crap out of it so he better get used to admiring all the speakers for the first couple years without being able to use them. It is worth a try anyhow.

[Cara]

Be thankful its taken this long. For Christmas a few years back I received a sub woofer and mini speakers. Did I ask for these? Hell no. Did I feel like I was married to Homer Simpson? Minus the blue hair, you could call me Marge.

I'll look for some "covers" to put on the speakers. I'm sure some creative woman somewhere in this wide world has come up with something.

Oh, and once we were watching Das Boot when Lily was maybe 18 months old. She was happily playing, but when the bomber came at the sub in one scene, the surround sound was a little too real. She started looking around, very frightened and ran to me. I slugged you know who. Dip.

[daysgoby]

And here's another thrilling thought -
Barney in surround sound!

Make.him.take.them.down!!

[Krystal]

Oh shit. I didn't even think about Barney!!!

BOYCOTT STEREO EQUIPMENT! Your sanity depends on it! I've managed to keep my husband far away from buying stereo equipment for years now, but I have a feeling I'm going to lose the battle fairly soon. He's been talking about it a lot lately. :(

HELP ME!!!!

[Mr BadEggs]

Ladeze!

It ain't happenin'. Sorry, I am prepared to look for some smaller speakers (but none of that Bose stuff) but the Surround sound stays. End of.

And as for the turntable jibe - I'll pit my turntable against any sub $1000 CD player and we'll see which one produces the most beautiful sound. I love my Vinyl - Many memories are bound up in the collection, and you just cannot beat the sound of the needle hitting the groove. Proper music from proper musicians all with proper album artwork!

The sprog will just have to live with it.

[Lola Badeggs]

Do you SEE what I have to put up with?!

[Kath]

Yes, I see. Mmmmmmmm. Looks as if this one's non-negotiable -- but could you perhaps retaliate in a truly petty way by putting doilies, knick-knacks and candles on all the speakers?

[Lorem ipsum]

Last year my in-laws bought one of those flat-screen, widescreen TVs.

Of course, my husband HAD to get one.

He eventually caught on that I would die of embarrassment were I to have company and they were to see that (and how can you miss one of those, anyway) and then he'd be a widower - a widower with a big TV.

So he's taken up the habit of buying new computer equipment. Which, at least, he can partially write off on his taxes as a business expense.

But for you... alas, alas... too late!

[Nicole]

I live with a network engineer.

He has built TWO Personal Video Recorder (PVR - brand name is along the lines of TiVO or whatever).

I have a desktop and a laptop.

When we moved in here, we set up the second bedroom as an office (now referred to as a computer room). He measured the closet so he could get a baker's rack to store all his computer stuff. We go to warehouse store and buy said baker's rack (metal, wheels).

He had to build the damn thing INSIDE the closet because it barely fit. EVERY shelf (there are 6 of them, about 18 inches wide and 5 or 6 feet long) is FULL.

I understand your pain :>