Ready...Aim...

I am much less cranky today, which is kind of a miracle when you consider that yesterday I had to travel by air; something that, as a general rule, normally has me hissing and spitting for at least a week afterward. It's also a miracle when you consider that on Friday, my week ended with having to fire someone.

I love being a manager. And I know that being a manager means that sometimes you have to take tough decisions. I know that the flip side of having to tell someone how great they're doing is having to tell someone that they are falling down on the job. And unfortunately, the flip side of the thrill of telling someone they're hired seeing the sense of accomplishment light up their face, is having to tell someone that despite having said all the right things at interview and been hired, in reality they are not cut out for the job and will no longer have said job come Monday.

I feel bad, though not guilty. I followed all the legal rules and all the internal procedure, and I can say with hand on heart that I gave this person every possible chance to improve and that, at the end of the day, she just wasn't capable of what she was being asked to do. We've offered assistance in finding a new job, will give her a standard reference, and I even managed to get the company to waive its right to claim back the deposit it paid on her rental property when she relocated here so that she won't have to panic about that. I gave her positive feedback where it was due, and an honest but gentle assessment of her shortcomings. And at the end of the day, I believe that it was the best decision for the company, for her colleagues, and probably, in the long run, even for her. But boy I wish I hadn't had to do it.

Today's drama is waiting to see if my ex-Fuckwit gets charged for harassment (it's looking likely). UPDATE: just learned he will be charged at 2 pm today. That's assuming he shows up, because apparently he has told the police that he's far too busy at work (he drives a tour bus round town) to show up for his legally required bail interview... If he shows up, he'll have a court appearance for harassment in a couple of months' time. If he doesn't show up, the court appearance will also be to answer charges of failing to meet bail conditions. The man is beyond help, I swear. But, you know, he basically terrorized and abused me, by letter and the occasional phone call, for NINE YEARS! It got to the point where I started shaking every time the post dropped through the letterbox, because there might have been a letter from him. I shouldn't have to take that. I wish I could bloody well fire him.

Baby B is doing well, if all the kicking and wriggling is anything to go by. I am profoundly grateful every time I feel him (ahem..or her) move. To what or whom I don't know, since I refuse to give God credit as long as he fails to take responsibility for the bad stuff. But I know just how lucky I am.

I am as big as, or possibly bigger than, Cleveland, but the good news is my boobs don't hurt quite so badly anymore. My back, however, is a different story and my new office chair is making it worse. But lest you think I am complaining, let me assure you I am not. I am profoundly grateful for every twinge, ache and acid reflux, too.

Comments

[Cara]

I bet your still smaller than me and I have no excuse.

Firing someone isn't always easy, but its a necessary evil. Too bad the person couldn't have capitalized on the chances.

As for ex fuckwit, I hope they put him in jail. He seems to believe the justice system waits for him. Dumbass.

[Kath]

Dear Lola, I seem to have missed this post. (I care! I do!)

Firing someone must be awful, but you sound like you handled it compassionately. Give yourself a pat on the back for that one.

I can't believe your ex is being that ridiculously daft. Fuckwit indeed. I hope that whatever happens, he is taught a lesson.

[casey]

Just saw your post over at "Inhospitable" and thought I'd amble by and give you some love. Or at least a comment. I know how lonely 1 comment can feel :)

By the way, your profile spoke to me in ways you cannot imagine. I'm so glad to have found all of you.

[Julie]

And here I thought I had been commenting more, I now realize what I was thinking must not have made it through to the fingertips. I'm very sorry!
Of course I'll still be reading, because I'm very interested in how baby goodegg is growing!
Check your statcounter (if you use it) I'll bet you see daily hits from double digits. Some folks are just shy. :)

[Sarah]

OK.. I was just about to write you an email... asking how you were doing and a bunch of random questions, but then I felt stalkerish.

And for some reason turning off the comments made me sad... which is obviously totally none of my business. Sorry a slow down in comments was upsetting you. Yuck. I've never been much of a double digit comment reciever, but I know what you mean. I typically get 50-100 readers a day and usually get around 4-5 comments on a post. Hmmm... oh well.

Just wanted you to know that i'm still reading and thinking about you.

hugs

[daysgoby]

Lola -

The bad thing about 'getting to know' someone on a blog is that they can't see you when you read and react to their writings. It's a bit like when the other person can't see you smiling and nodding over the phone.

All best -
Jess

[Julie]

Just checking in on you... waiting for the next update... hoping everything remains good. Thinking of you.

[DinoD]

Hi Lola

I just tried sending you an email but your old address doesn't seem to be working (or perhaps the problem is on my end). Anyway, I hope you are still looking at comments occasionally and here is my e-mail (in all its questionable glory)

Hi Lola

I'm sorry that you're dealing with all the crap you're feeling. I know that a lot of us can empathize (or maybe I'm just projecting again).

I am happy that you've made it to 30 weeks and no, I haven't been visiting very often as it's just too difficult. I'm not going to apologize for it but I do feel the tiniest bit of embarassment? guilt? I don't know what to call it but I am glad you're still hanging in there and I'm hoping the whole rage/ isolation thing works itself out.

I think you're right that actually holding your son might just do the trick (until then you're still dealing with constant stress as I'm sure you're not taking anything for granted).

Hugs to you and to Bad Boy (although I'm sure that he won't be).

DinoD