Bad Boy has turned and is now head down. This news should make me very happy, seeing as it means a home birth is now absolutely possible, given that all is still well. But I had a bit of a meltdown with the midwife yesterday. I'm really struggling with fallout from my previous losses, feeling terrified that something will happen to my son if he's not removed promptly from my womb, and soon. The midwife told me that she would refer me for an elective Cesarean if I'm finding it this hard. Now, quite why I should be irrationally concerned about the risks associated with a natural birth and not at all concerned about those associated with an elective C-section is quite beyond my capacity to understand at this moment. I am what is commonly referred to as a basket case, and am unable to make sense out of pretty much anything right now.
Mr B thinks that if I go for a section, I may end up feeling like I have somehow dodged a bullet--i.e. temporarily cheated God out of an opportunity to break my heart again--and that it will come back to haunt me. In essence, he thinks I should stand up to the school bully (God, that is) and go for the home birth, complete with birthing pool, Abba on the stereo and champagne in the fridge, as has been the plan since I made it to 14 weeks. And given that he is a lot smarter than me, I am inclined to go along with that plan.
I'm off to the OB-GYN today to get the final go-ahead to have the home birth. While I'm there I might just broach the idea of a planned section or even a planned induction just to cover my bases. But for now it looks as though Bad Boy will make his appearance at a date and time of his choosing, and not mine. I just hope he's as impatient as I am.
